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shitty map

What happens when you get two geographers and one engineer in a car together in a town they don't now? One would think you wouldn't ever, ever get lost... but what happens when you have a shitty map? Thing is when you are with friends, getting lost is half the fun. Maybe it is because my back ground is in geography I look at and create maps all day long. but....
In a "big picture" kinda way... we don't ever really have a "good map" do we? There is no map that shows us our path in life, no one way signs or off ramps to pull off on to fill up on gas and an ice cream cone.
One of my best friends just had a baby. Sure, lots of my friends have been procreating in the last year and a half, but this particular pregnancy/birth has hit home with me, hard. I had more emotions than with any other of my friends when she told me she was pregnant (I actually got stuck in bed, broken down and crying all day) HOWEVER, I have more joy and love in my heart once I heard the baby was born than I have with any other of my friends so far (I love all of the babes in my life, don't get me wrong.. All of them.) This one is just different.
Different because this is the woman, this new mom is the person who I left for college with. We shared a dorm and many silly freshman things together. Different because when I moved back home and she stayed away at school she would write poems in her letters and send them off to me and I would respond to her poem line by line and create a new poem in the letter I sent back. Different because we used to snowboard together, flying down the hill and over jumps with all sorts of wild in our hair and joy in our feet.
We have a connection, and yet we have gone through periods where we hardly know one anther at all. Where I am going with this is that the whole baby/mama thing has really been brought to me in a new light since she gave birth a mere 2 days ago today...
We have no idea what life is going to hand us, where our own map will lead. We can only make choices that, at the moment seem complete right and rational. We can make a left turn instead of a right. Head north instead of south. Sometimes choices are made for us and sometimes our brains just get in the way. I have no idea if Taya is reading this post today or ever will, but I want to put out to the universe to her that I love her. No matter how weird this last year has been for our friendship, that she is one of the most special people to me in the world.
There is no map for friendship, marriage or parenthood. But there are people who will hold your hand and walk with you when you find your way and when you get lost. Seeing a picture of the new mama and baby together, I believe Taya has found her way.
My hand is here for the holding when you need it, or if you don't.

I love you and M. and the new baby boy you have brought in this world...


  1. what a beautiful look at friendship. i've wished for a friendship map myself, but it is the not knowing, the growing and the hand extending that make it all so precious...

  2. yes, all of that angela. You are so so right.

  3. Beautifully written. As we get older and friendships go the way of old boyfriends...it's the ones that stick though thick and thin...those with whom you can pick up the phone after a year (or two) has gone by and start right where you left off...

    ...those who firgive your tantrums, ego and mistakes...often even before you think they should.

    Those are the ones you hold that hand out for...just in case they need it... and when you know they need it but are to afraid to ask...those are the ones you reach out for...because you know they would for you.


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