On pins and needles (or teaching and learning)
I taught today for the first time since just before the baby was born. I had really mixed emotions about getting up early today and heading out the door to lead someone else through asana. Am I in a place to be teaching again? I haven't been practicing myself, so is it good to hop right back into teaching someone else? I love the client that I teach (it is a personal lesson). She is a 75 year old bundle of energy - it keeps me going to think that 75 could look so healthy and fresh. She is always is up to some newfangled-new age thing; which is really interesting and great to hear about. The downside is that I left the house this morning before the boy was awake. (I got to see him at lunch time though and that helped tide me over. To feed him and hear his giggle when I give him 'squishes' is so good. Yes, I think I could almost live off of those giggles of delight that he gives me when I hug him).
When I teach I also learn.
I learn that it is good for Daddy-O to get a chance to get the boy ready for the day and to have a turn at dropping him off at school. It is good for O to have that time with his Pops, to be fed by him, to bond with him. I learn a little bit more about just how much I love that little human being and his daddy, especially when I talk to Daddy-O latter that day and he tells me, “he is sot stinkin’ sweet in the mornings. He just smiled ear to ear when I got him from his crib”. Yep, that is why it is so hard to give that up, but sharing is where it’s at so I think it is a good lesson for me to let someone else have these golden moments with my little man.
I also learn that I have been moving so fast the past few weeks since starting back to work. I am paying the price. I have been getting the piercing stomach pains again that I haven’t had in probably 7 years or so (internalized anxiety, I am sure), my back is in totally out of wack and in pain (hunching over to breast feed and lugging around the incredibly awkward and heavy car seat have only added to this). And I am tired, oh-so tired.
I re-learn just how good I feel after I move my body. After I ask it to stretch and strengthen and to remember the motions of this posture or that. I re-learn just how nice it is to wake up and see the sun painting the white, snowy mountains pink and the feeling of the breathe moving in and out of my body with intention.
I am glad to be back at it, even if it means getting up at 6am to do so.