25 week update and a little zen
"Expecting anything just gets in the way of the experience itself. And the experience itself is a stunner." Karen Maezen Miller, Momma Zen
25 weeks along I should really give an update....
Here's the truth about talking about this pregnancy, I don't have much to say (stunner, me w/o words!). This pregnancy has been so different than the first. Sometimes I even have to remind myself that I am pregnant- this usually happens when I bump my growing belly against something or I get a swift kick from Deuce when I am least expecting it. I am starting to feel 'big', but also know I know I have a long way to go in that department. The spot just above my belly button feels like it is going to be torn open, baby must be laying sideways in there- I am wondering if this is what a rubber band feels when stretched to the maxium. The baby has been moving a ton and last week it was up into my ribs with the kicking or punching. "Already?" I think to myself. This is actually how I have felt for the entire 25 weeks.
We got pregnant so fast this time around (first real try as apposed to almost a year of charting, trying and wishing with O). I was struck with morning sickness just days after I read, "Pregnant" across the little window of the urine test stick. I felt the baby moving much earlier and it seems like I went from normal me in regular clothes to, POP! oh sorry that shirt doesn't fit, that bra is waaay too tight and you can just forget about buttoning those pair of jeans. I am sure some of this just has to do with the time warp of being a mama to a toddler but is part of it because I have been down this road before?
Just a few notes for myself- feel free to jump down a couple of paragraphs... I was having some pain in my right hip all last month and then realized that I had stopped wearing my orthodics. Putting those back into my shoes seems to really help with my alignment. I did find myself 'stuck on my right side last night in bed though and had to really talk myself into rolling over and breathing thru the pinching pain. Speaking of sleep, I find it crazy that I can still manage to almost sleep on my belly and I often find myself on my back- I do try to not stay there once I realize where I am at but if I am getting sleep, I am getting sleep! I trust my body to know when it is time to roll over or shuffle around.
A few other physical/mental differences this time around, my hair hasn't been driving me crazy like it did with O. I had to cut my hair totally short last time, it was grossing me out and feeling really greasy. But this time I actually don't mind my hair, and as it gets longer and brushes my shoulders and back I smile a little bit at the tickle. I have also noticed that it has continued to "shed" as it normally does- last time I swear I kept every single hair in my head for the entire 9months. My skin has been different too. My back has totally broken out and I feel really dry and a bit like an alligator. I really do need to find some good body butter or something!
I happen to have a shot of myself at 25weeks along with MrO, just for comparison.
Wishing I wouldn't have cut of my back side in this shot so I could see how similar/different I am looking so far.
I like that this little bundle is brewing in there with a lot less worry and invasion from the outside world. Last time there was so much poking and prodding and ultrasounding that I felt like we almost knew so much that we didn't know anything at all. This time around has been so much more quite. I actually had to ask at my last visit, "are you sure there aren't any tests I should be getting, blood work, urine samples, nasty fruit drink to guzzle"? I have a feeling that part of this is because we changed medical practices, but I also think it is the change in me, as a parent.
That quote under the top photo is from a new (to my night stand I should say) book that I am currently devouring. Last Thursday I was invited to join several women (there were a couple of guys there too) at a "Kitchen Table Tour". Have you ever read Karen Maezen Miller's blog or maybe stumbled across one of her two books- Mama Zen or Hand Wash Cold while wandering thru the book store or library? If you haven't you should check them out. Head out and grab one or both of the books, especially if you are in the market for a parenting book with a little different feel. Mama Zen is a book that you can pick up, open and read a paragraph and then put back down again- or sit and sit and sit, absorbing the words and the moments she describes and nod as you realize many of these were your moments too.
I was lucky enough to be in the room with this calm, sweet soul of an author and just her hug sent a feeling of peace over my hurried self. Thank you Lisa for having Karen in your home and thank you Karen for stopping by our little neck of the woods. Even though I didn't get to hear much of the readings that she did I knew I was in a special place, with some really special people- (if the food that was shared had any indication of the top notch gang that was there, then they were all pretty amazing!)
While Karen read, I was out baby chasing and keeping my boy quite in the back yard. He got a little squirmy after we ate and I took him out to play with the sidewalk chalk so everyone else could enjoy the reading. I would have headed home but I wanted to have Karen sign my book. I was a little disappointed that I didn't get to hear experts from the Hand Wash Cold, but realized quickly what a pretty spot Lisa has behind her house. The warm, setting sun on my face and the laughter drifting out from the living room where Karen read was so very sweet. It set me straight and I just swallowed it all down for the moment it was. I found my 'zen' and knew that my evening was supposed to be spent sitting on the blue deck and watching the sun set.
Once back inside I purchased a copy of Mama Zen and Karen was sweet enough to sign it with two words. Two simple, powerful words. That might have to be permanently etched on my skin somewhere as a constant reminder of how to live life. Two simple words that could lead you not just in motherhood thru the world. I have been reading and underlining and writing in the margins every night before bed since last Thursday. And although I usually never read a book more than once, I have a feeling this book may break that rule.