He is asleep now in his swing. One arm flung above his head, toes (long and like his mama's, and yet just like his papa's too) peaking out from the swaddle job gone awry. He is knocked out from the boob juice. My feet, still swollen from Saturday, should be up, but it is hard to type like that. The past week has been a blur. A strange intensity of laughter and random tears. of extreme joy and a bit of frustration to boot. But it has been a week I hope to not forget soon.
We went in on Thursday night to begin a "slow" induction. They started me on cytotec at around 9pm, took blood work, ask a million questions and then left hubby and I for the night in the L&D room. I woke up on Friday to see the eagle taking flight out my window. Around 9 or 10 they came in and hooked up my IV and started me on pitocin and then broke my waters. It took a few, but I soon found myself in the zone of labor. Breathing, swaying trying to find the best place for comfort. I moved from standing hunched over the bed to sitting on the ball hunched over the bed. I would unplug from the monitors and make my way to the bathroom just to have a minute alone. The nurse was amazing and was very respectful of our birthing plan (the parts that hadn't already gotten totally cleared out because of the situation). She didn't offer me once the epidural, she didn't report how dilated I was after checking me unless I asked and she had the most amazing and calm energy about her.
My doula, hubby and my mom were in the room and held the external monitors in place as I moved from place to place. They got my water when I needed it, my wet rag when I asked and encouraged me along to breath through it all. Around 8pm I requested the epidural. I was shaking and tired and knew I had to get some rest for the laboring ahead of me. Everyone agreed and thought it would help to move the dilation along ans well as give me that much needed rest.
The anesthesiologist came in and stated, "I will make a believer out of you yet". He was all business and even as I shook in fear of the possible problems and epidural can bring he did an amazing job. I soon felt the much needed relief and was able to rest. I could still feel my legs but not the pain.
We were told around 2am that I was ready, the doctor was in a c-section down the hall but would be here in about half hour and pushing could start. They turned my epidural down to half and two hours later when no doctor had appeared I requested between the contractions (which were quite heavy now since the pit was upped but the epi was downed) to please either start the pushing or turn the epidural back up. They checked me again and I had regressed so they turned me back up. I slept until around 5:30 or 6. Again waking up to the balloons- this time,dawn patrol was happening. I have seen it enough times to have the script and the music playing in my mind... Everyone else in the room was sleeping so I just took it all in as a really special moment.
At around 8 or 8:S0 they came in to check me and decided that yes! I was really ready to start pushing... It really was a blur from there until 1:08 when out he came and was placed on my chest. I was laughing, hubby was crying and Mr. O was beautiful. hair, long eyelashes, long fingers and toes, little man parts just like I had suspected. Cone head and all he was so sweet and I was in awe.
He was here, he was really really here. The little human that we had been waiting for, dreaming about and loving already.
I have to say that even if the birth wasn't the way I had "wanted" it to be, it was no less amazing, magical or special. I want other woman to know that it is important to realize this- I really wanted to do this on my own, but the circumstances weren't lining out and all I know is that having him here now is all that matters. I still feel strong (8 hours with no epidural and dosed on pitocin isn't easy nor is 5 hours of pushing). I still am amazed at what my body could and can do. I still used all my breathing and calming techniques we learned in class. I know that all the yoga and walking that I did while pregnant gave me the strength I needed for the process. All that prep we did was used, just in a little differnt way- but used none the less.
We are a family of three now (or I guess 5 if you count those fluffy schnauzers or ours) and I can't believe it.